Dang my good job with benefits!

I always knew I'd probably want to be a stay at home mom. When we were first talking about having a baby I knew I wouldn't be able to stay at home right away, and I was ok with it. Flash forward several months later I was standing in my kitchen with my 7 day old newborn and it hit me...I don't want to leave my baby!! I can't remember why I had my baby in the kitchen, but that's beside the point. I knew this would probably happen, and I told myself to give it some time. I still had another 7 weeks at home with him. Well, the dreaded day came when I had to return to work. It was as awful as I had imagined. It wasn't that I worried about his safety or well-being, I just didn't want to be away from him. I thought it would get easier. Just when I thought "I can do this", something would happen. First, Remy got a cold (Why, Lord, Why?!). Then he had to take some formula because I wasn't getting enough milk pumping at work (How will he survive?!), and then after a month I had to find him a new daycare. Everytime one of these occurrences happened, a new meltdown would occur. My mom would talk me off the cliff. My husband would tell me of research that he's read that kids in daycare are smart and have good social skills. I told him I didn't care, I'd rather have a stupid child at home with me. I'd look up scriptures that justified why I should stay at home. I prayed every second of the day. I've been back at work for 2 months now. It has gotten a little easier. The other day, I left out 2 bags of breastmilk all night and, I am happy to say, nobody was hospitalized because of it. I still want to be a stay at home mom. My husband knows that, God certainly knows that. So, I feel I can stop having to vocalize it every second of the day. It's not good for me or my family. It doesn't help that Remy is such a good baby. Sure, he gets cranky if he's tired or hungry, but who doesn't? He wakes up smiling and he's content just rolling around on the floor trying to eat his foot. Who wouldn't want to spend all day with that?