Cancer and Popsicles

Well, it's fall. There is a chill in the air. I've switched my iced coffee back to regular. I have gotten out my "fall decor." Ok, not really...I just keep hearing of my girlfriends on facebook talk about their "fall decor" and I felt left out. My fall decor consists of a pumpkin wreath that I have yet to hang and a candy dish that I have yet to fill with any candy. Ok, moving on...

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, fall. So, what do you eat in the fall? Chili? Soup? In our house we're eating a lot of Popsicles. Yes, you do get a little chilly while eating them, but they're still fun.

Here are some blurry pictures of the monkey eating his Popsicle tonight, and getting it all over the couch. Good thing this couch is already disgusting, and broken, and covered in a bed sheet. Doesn't your couch have a bed sheet on it? No?

The reason we're eating Popcicles is because it's one of the few things that Cody wants to eat right now because he's feeling sick. He's feeling sick from Chemo due to Testicular Cancer. He just finished round 2. He'll start his final round the beginning of October. You can read his story at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/codyswearengin.

Isn't he cute? He's lucky he has a good head. You never know what you might find under there when all your hair starts to fall out.

Here's my boys cuddling. Remy was actually quite happy and giggling until I got the camera out. He's very anti-picture taking right now, it's very annoying.

It's been a hard few months in many ways, but we still have had so many blessings. It's a blessing just to be at home with my family. We'll get through this and be better because of it.

I leave you with a cute booty picture.

Sara Gene

I cried twice today. Once while I was doing laundry, and once after I ate a no-bake cookie.

When I was doing my laundry I came across a white shirt. It was my Grandma's. I complimented her on it once and she gave it to me.

When I was little my Grandparents came and took care of us while my mom was sick and in the hospital. My Grandma made no-bake cookies. I was eating one and getting crumbs all over the floor, so she took my cookie and told me how to eat it properly. She put her entire mouth on my cookie to take a bite without making crumbs then gave it back to me. I looked at it and realized it was all covered in Grandma' s spit. I nonchalantly threw it away and got another one. It makes me laugh every time I think of it.

The reason it makes me cry is my grandma is sick. She has a brain tumor that will eventually take her life, and probably soon. This makes me sad.

I've never known my grandma to be sick before cancer. In fact, she was always the pillar of health. She was up early and worked all day until she went to bed. We used to joke that she wore shorter shorts that my sister and I did. She was such a young, active, sarcastic, vibrant grandma. I love her so.

The thing I will miss the most is knowing that Grandma is praying for me everyday. But, I guess having her with Jesus just might be even better. Grandma is a humble and faithful prayer warrior. She knows Jesus.

When I think of Grandma, I think of comfort. When I am sad, I think about being at my grandparents house. The sweet memories of swimming in their pool, playing in the snow, sleeping in their pretty guest room, eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, watching Disney movies, dressing in her clothes, her singing us to sleep with"Froggy Went A'Courtin." So many memories, all wonderful and good. When I think of my Grandma, I think of my many blessings.

When I think of Grandma, I think of love. Mainly the love between her and my Grandpa. My Grandpa is taking such good care of her. He loves her so much he cut off her pajamas in the middle of the night because she was hot and he couldn't get them off fast enough. He loves her so much he turned their hall bathroom into a shower when she could no longer get in their tub. When the door was too narrow to get her wheelchair in, he took a chainsaw and made the door wider. He does what needs to be done. He'll go around the world a million times for her.

I don't know how much time Grandma will have left on this earth, but I know she has lived a wonderful life. She was influential in so many peoples lives, including mine. Because I knew her, I have been changed for good.

Love Story

Our love story began the summer of 1999. The first time we spoke was at an airport. We were on our way to Toronto, Canada for the Nazarene Youth Conference. We lived about 2 hours apart, but we were both active members of our youth groups which occasionally met for district wide events. The only reason I went up to talk to him at the airport was because I knew he was going to room with my friend Bryan the upcoming school year. He was going to be a freshman at MidAmerica Nazarene University, the same school I was planning on attending the next year. Our conversation went something like this:

"So, you're rooming with Bryan next year?"

"Yep." Awkward pause.

"So, you're from Nixa?"

"Um, yeah. How did you know that" said in a paranoid tone.

"Um, because you have Nixa in giant red letters on your t-shirt" said in a sarcastic tone.

"Oh, ha ha, yeah." End of conversation.

Wow, couldn't you just feel the magic in the air? The next conversation was when Cody asked me if I would switch plane tickets with him to sit next to another girl. Um, rude. So, needless to say I didn't think much about Cody on this trip.

The next time I saw him was spring of '00. We were at "Nazarene Night" at Worlds of Fun. We were in separate groups that met up for a bit and talked. I remember Cody seemed way more attentive and was smiling at me a lot. Weird. Much later he told me that it was then he thought I was really cute and asked Bryan who I was. Um, I'm the girl you tried to switch plane tickets with. Yeah, I didn't let him live that one down.

Then, that summer I attended summer camp for the last time. Little did I know that Cody was also going to be there as a Junior High Camp Counselor. I saw him while I was standing in line for registration. He came right up to me and started talking like we were best friends. Again, lots of smiling and very attentive. He told me later that he told his sister, "See that girl in line with the green tank top on, I'm going to marry that girl." I'm glad he didn't tell me that, because I probably would have ran the other direction.

Over the next few days Cody seemed to show up wherever I was. We spent the week sitting on rocks talking, me pretending to be interested in his basketball games, and him catching me when I fell every single time we walked down the rocky path. He liked me, regardless of the fact I was a total spaz and talked way too much about stupid things like about how I didn't like tomatoes. He thought it was sweet when I started crying during praise and worship. Oh Lord, if he had only known what was in store for him. I found myself lying in bed at night smiling and thinking about him. "Why the heck am I thinking about Cody Swearengin? Stop it!" I told myself. I was getting ready to go to college, and I didn't want to walk through the door with a boyfriend. No way. Not going to happen.

During the rest of the summer we saw each other twice. Once in Joplin at some district event, and another time he came to visit me. Once I felt school approaching I felt myself getting too attached. So, I tried to keep Cody at a distance. I told him I didn't want anything serious. So, he stopped calling me. It lasted about 1 day. I couldn't stand it. I just wanted to spend time with him. So, over the next couple of weeks I would ask everyone who knew him what they thought about Cody. They would all say the same things, "Cody is the nicest guy you'll ever meet", "Cody is hilarious and always happy", "Cody is wonderful." Then, I tested him. He called me to go eat lunch with him at Campus Center and we were to meet in the lobby. I showed up with about 6 of my girl friends from my dorm. Some of the guys I knew would have said "I just wanted it to be us, why did you invite other people?" Not Cody. He smiled and introduced himself and didn't bat an eyelid. We were in a relationship before Labor Day rolled around.

The fear I had of having a boyfriend was that I'd be so wrapped up in a relationship that I would miss out on the college experience. I realized that Cody still allowed me to be me. We didn't have to be together every waking moment, although deep down I wanted to. I realized that I was completely myself around Cody. I could already tell him anything. Absolutely anything. He was perfect for me. I was a little freaked out about how easy it was to find him. I was only 18, but I knew he was the one.

We dated all 4 years of college. While our friends would start dating and then break up over summer break, we stayed strong. We did have a point where I almost broke up with Cody my sophomore year. It was me again feeling like I had missed out on something. I wanted to date some guys that were wrong for me, just for the heck of it. Cody was like "Ok, that's fine." I don't think I even made it back to my dorm before I turned around and told him I was wrong. I couldn't chance losing him. He was definitely the one.

Cody and I were married July 31st, 2004. It was the most perfect day of my life. So easy, and so much fun! Over the last 7 years we've gone through some wonderful times. New jobs, buying a home, the birth of our beautiful baby boy, vacations, answered prayers and more. We've also been through some hard times. Sickness, surgeries, a miscarriage, my parents divorce, and now cancer. Cody has been diagnosed with testicular cancer. He just finished his first round of chemo. It's just another season that we're going through. Some of them easy, some of them challenging, but all of them covered by the grace and peace of a loving God. I am looking forward to Cody being Cancer free and going away for the week-end, just the two of us. Even though we don't have to spend every waking moment together, I still want to.

To be continued...

Baby Story

Remy and I were looking through "books" today (our family photo albums). I started to reminisce about the day Remy was born. If you don't want to hear about that, quit reading now. I decided I should record my memories about his birth on this here blog, because I have a horrible memory! If I don't, then in a few years I'll be like my mom. She gave me no advice when Remy was born. Diapers, huh? Burping, I don't remember doing that? Love you, mom!

Oh, and it seems being pregnant and giving birth was the easiest thing ever for my mom. She went in for a scheduled inducement, they broke her water, she had zero drugs, no pain and I was born in like 5 minutes. Yeah, and she still had her make-up on. Not cool mom, not cool. I thought for sure she'd pass on these genes of awesomeness to her lovely daughter, but not so much. More on that later.

Wednesday, June 10th 2009 Cody and I went in for a doctors appointment. I was told by Dr Burk that I was dilated some and had started to efface. Yeah, I don't remember how much. He said the baby might come soon...or not. He was no help. Of course with my need to plan, this drove me crazy. I went ahead and decided not to go back to work the next day, hoping Remy would come by the week-end and I wouldn't have eaten up much of my precious maternity leave.

That evening I decided to stay up late and watch a movie, because I was going to get to sleep in the next morning, right? It was around 9:40 pm and I was watching "He's Just Not That Into You." I swear I felt a "pop" sensation, stood up and water started running down my leg. My water had broke! Cody was out with the youth group kids at Braum's. I called him, and he rushed home along with Hannah. I changed my pantalones and grabbed my bag (which of course was already packed). My contractions started strong and were already 5 minute apart. I thought "OK, this is going to happen FAST, just like my mama." By the time I got to the hospital my contractions were every 3-4 minutes. The nurse checked me in the triage room and said I was dilated to a 2 and my water bag was still intact. SAY WHAT? I knew my water had broken! She asked me on a level of 1-10 what level of pain I was in, and I said 9! She probably was trying to hold back the laughter and thought "oh honey, you have no idea." By the grace of God they went ahead and admitted me.

By then, Cody's entire family and my mom were there. Allison and Dad had decided to wait until morning to drive in. Good thing. By the time I got in the room my contractions were every 1-2 minutes. ONE TO TWO MINUTES! I finally got some glorious drugs, and then the nurse checked me. I was still dilated to a 2. WHAT THE HEY? Also, the doctor came in shortly after and explained that I had 2 water bags. The "fake" water bag was the one that had broken. Who even knew that was possible? He broke my "real" water, hoping that would speed things up. But, my contractions started slowing way down. I'd have 1 strong contraction followed by 2 weak ones. The nurses were baffled by the weirdness of my contractions.

Even though I wasn't in pain after I got the epidural, I think I was in shock. I just lied there, still as could be. I didn't want the tv or any music on. So, my poor husband and mom just had to sit there in a dark, quiet and FREEZING room. 18 hours I was in labor. 18! I started to push at about 14 hours, but Remy's heart rate started to drop when I pushed, so they told me to stop. I then waited another 3 hours while they monitored the baby's heart. They had me prepped and scheduled for a c-section. I did NOT want a c-section...especially after being in labor for that long. So, finally at around 2:30 pm I started to push again. They told me it might take up to an hour to push. I thought, "It is NOT going to take me an hour." Yeah, it took an hour. But they only wanted me to push every other contraction.

I found out later that while I was pushing, my mom and Cody's mom had their ears pressed to the outside door, waiting to hear that baby cry. They wondered what on earth was taking me so long (as they both apparently pushed once and instantly a baby was born. I may be exaggerating a bit, but that's how it seems). After they finally heard Remy cry, they heard a nurse say "15." She said "15:40" as in "3:40" military time. For an instant they thought Remy was 15 lbs! My mom thought "my grandbaby is going to be on the 6:00 news."

Finally, at 3:40 pm our sweet little muffin, Remy Michael Swearengin was born. He was perfect, and worth the wait! Oh, and he weighed 8 lbs 10 oz...not 15!

Waiting

I'm really weird when it comes to planning. I tend to plan things way into the future. I'm the one who buys someone's birthday card 6 months in advance (and then forgets to give it on the persons ACTUAL birthday, oops). I like to have a 2 year calender. Sometimes my planning is irrational, because I don't have enough information to actually plan it. I'd like to know how much money we're going to get back on our taxes...for next year. Remy better start picking out colleges in Middle School, because I will NEED to know. It's kind of ridiculous. My husband doesn't have the desire to start planning our 50th wedding anniversary as I do, so this trait of mine kind of drives him crazy sometimes. He's very even-tempered, practical and logical. He won't make a decision until he has all of the information in front of him (preferrably in a spreadsheet or PowerPoint presentation). With that said, I believe God has placed this weird thing in me for a reason. If anything, it's for me to learn to wait on Him. Ugh, that's so annoying...I mean, come on God, get with it. I'm ready to go somewhere or do something or change somehow. Doesn't that sound like the spiritual thing to do? Um, no...he wants me to Wait. He doesn't want me to go anywhere (except over to my neighbor's house). He doesn't want me to change jobs or sell our house or have another baby (yet). I really feel like God is telling me wait on Him, at least for now. But, he is telling me to wait in HOPE and FAITH and LOVE. I mean, POG got it right. (90's Christian music reference).

So, here are some verses that have really been ministering to me lately.


"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalms 37:4

"Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must continue its works so that you might me mature, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord directs his steps." Proverbs 16:9

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalms 27:4

"I have told you these things so that you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!" John 16:33

"And may you have the power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and deep is the love of Christ." Ephesians 3:18

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him; so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

"Now faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

Defintion of Hope: To desire with expectation of obtainment

So, I can either wait and be miserable, or I can wait and EXPECT that God will give me the desires of my heart through his AMAZING LOVE.

Saturday mornin'

Today Cody worked the am, and Remy and I enjoyed a Saturday morning playing together.

He started his day by eating his favorite breakfast, a Kashi Cereal Bar, or "Bar" as he calls it.

Time to get out a toy...or 20!

One of my favorite morning rituals is when I put Remy up on the bathroom counter. He brushes his teeth and I wet down the fuzzy bedhead mullet that he wakes up with.

Show me your teeth!

Time to get dressed and play in his room.

Making a few important phone calls.

Accessorizing his outfit.

This is what his room looked like when we got done playing. Holy mess!

Much better.

I had the great idea to blow some bubbles. It's wet and cold outside, so I blew some in the house. Are you supposed to do that? Well, it turned out that Remy wanted to hold the bubbles himself and this...

Turned into this...

Luckily his fits don't last very long right now and happened in about a matter of 30 seconds.

He's such a stinker!

TV Drama

So, about 2 weeks ago our television quit working. So, we decided to buy a new one. We bought this beautiful plasma Samsung tv. It was nice.


Yep, WAS nice.


Saturday night, my son threw a golf ball at it and broke it.


(Insert gasp and then long pause of silence here)


Two weeks we had it. Two weeks. Remy. Threw. A. Golf. Ball. At. It.

Obviously, Cody and I were furious. Not really at Remy because he's 20 months old. Yes, he shouldn't have thrown the golf ball, but he also shouldn't pick his nose or lick the dog's face. All No No's. He has no concept that he broke a Very Expensive TV.

The thing is, as much as it sucks, we really can't stay mad. I mean, it's a TV...a materialistic item. We are blessed with a wonderful family, a healthy son, jobs, food, clothing, Jesus. Jesus trumps a TV.

This little guy...



He did it.

I am sure Remy will do things in his life that will make me sad. There will be consequences to his actions, and sometimes I'll be the one who has to pay for them (literally!). But, through it all, I hope he knows that HE is 1 TRILLION times more important than a TV and HE IS LOVED.



Now, ask me how I feel later this week when I have to miss American Idol.

Blizzard

February 1st and 2nd, we had a "Blizzard". My work was even closed for 2 days, which was AWWWWESOME!!


Here's Cody throwing a snowball at me. He's so rude.

Here is Remy, just being cute.
Here's my attempt to take a cute picture in the snow, but really I just look awkward.

Remy was too young to appreciate just how perfect this snow was. I really wanted to build a big snowman, but he wasn't game.

I couldn't get him out of the garage.

And, here's another awesome picture of me.

And one more of the cuteness, for good measure.

Who put that there?

Hmmm...who would put a (Unused!) Tampon in the Kitchen?



Well, what's that Kitchen Clip doing in my bathroom? (Notice my cute Target clearance boots. Ignore my very dirty floor)




There's our Fartomatic. Yes, we own a Fartomatic...don't you?




Why is there a BBQ basting brush in Remy's toy box? Weird.



Yesterday I found Remy's sippy cup in the trashcan. Who could have done that?

VIP Seating

They have a lot of cute kids chairs out there. Like one of these maybe?

But, do we have one of these cute chairs? No, we have this...

Yes, it's a little person's metal folding chair. We bought it from our church garage sale for $1. It cracks me up. Remy thinks it's awesome!

His other favorite place to sit...on a RockBand box we have currently have in our living room.

Usually, I would hound Cody to get this box out of our living room, but Remy is so entertained by it I don't really mind. The other day he sat on the box and played with at toy for 15 minutes...that's like an hour in toddler time.

Grocery eater

I love it when this happens. That is, when you can see a big bunch of bananas hanging in the kitchen...because that means we have groceries. Bananas are the first thing to go in our house, so when they are fully stocked, you know our cabinets are too.

It's funny how much more grocery shopping you do when you have a little one. When you're just a couple you can go weeks without going to the store. Sure, some nights you eat nothing but cereal or take-out, but it doesn't really matter. It did get annoying when your recipe asked for milk or eggs and you didn't have it, but that never happens now. I'd forgotten how good "kid" food is. Grilled Cheese? Gooooood. I always have fruit and vegetables, which is also a good thing.

Remy is only 15 mo and I can't even imagine how much he'll eat when he's a teenager. I picture him and bunch of his friends going through our kitchen, kind of like that Tyson "Any'tizers" commercial. I hope that's the case, and it makes me smile thinking of the future. But, I'm definitely not in any hurry. I am enjoying every second of my time with Remy. I know I'll greatly miss it when he's no longer little. I KNOW I will miss him dancing spontaneously every time he hears music. I hope that lasts forever. OK, not forever...it would be a little strange if he did this when he was a teenager. But, I sure am loving it now.

For the love, will you put on a shirt!

Cody and I had a date night last week-end for my birthday. Dinner and a Movie (Date Night!...hence the title of this blog entry. See the movie, and you'll get it). While we were out, it got me thinking of how different a married date is compared to a first date. So, here's a list of how things would have been different if it had been a first date:

1) I would have washed my hair that day.

2) I wouldn't have told Cody where to park at the restaurant.

3) I wouldn't have told Cody to put his phone away (but I would have thought it).

4) I wouldn't have texted at the table (I would have waited to do that when I went to the bathroom).

5) Cody wouldn't have said inappropriate things to me all night.

6) I wouldn't have ordered the asparagus, because it cost more and I would have felt bad.

7) Cody wouldn't have questioned my appetizer choice.

8) I wouldn't have sung very loudly and offf key to the radio as we were driving to the movie.

9) We wouldn't have talked about our baby boy.

10) It wouldn't have been near as much fun.

I love Cody so much, and I am so excited when we get to go out. His birthday was the 21st, and he somehow got several restaturant gift cards for his birthday. More date nights, oh yeah!

Mercy Mocha

Don’t you like how you always decide to start to eat healthier and give up soda just AFTER eating a 2 cheeseburger meal with an XLARGE Dr Pepper? Yeah, that decision lasts until the sugar/fat buzz wears off. Fast food sucks me in. It’s fast, and it’s food. Two of my favorite things. It’s “I’m lazy” food. It’s “I don’t even have to get out of my car” food. If there weren’t drive-throughs I wouldn’t eat it as much. Why? I’m lazy. I’m not about to tote Remy into a Taco Bell, that would require too much muscle. My window was broken awhile back, and I did go into a Taco Bell during my lunch hour just to get a free large drink with a coupon. They looked at me as if I were insane. When I was in college Allie and I went to Target to get something to cook for dinner. I said "I don't want anything here." She looked at me and said, "Heather, they have EVERY FOOD." Ha ha. What I really meant, is I wanted something greasy and fried that I didn't have to cook. So, I’ve learned how to eat healthier and to stop drinking soda. Willpower, you ask? Willpower Schmilpower. I just use my laziness to my advantage. First of all, don’t carry cash. Easy. Second, don’t have sweets or candy in the house. I accomplish this by doing my grocery shopping when I’m full. If I have a dozen chocolate chip cookies in the house, I will eat them in 2 days. If I have 2 dozen chocolate chip cookies in the house, I will eat them in 2 days. You get the idea. My other obstacle, Mercy Mocha. Mercy Mocha is the little coffee shop right NEXT to my office. It’s filled with sugary coffee treats, soda and muffin deliciousness. Yes, there’s healthy options like hard boiled eggs, yogurt and organic granola…but that’s hard to pick when it’s sitting next to the pop-tarts. And, my no cash policy doesn’t work because guess what? They take payroll deduct. That’s right…I’m just one badge swipe away from a Milky Way Mocha or a bag of cheetos. So, this does require a little willpower. But, if I can make it until 1:30 pm, then I’m good. Mercy Mocha closes at 1:30 (see sign). If they were open until 3:00, I’d be in trouble. Once 3 pm hits, I want something salty, and then I want something sweet and fizzy. Why do I love this caramel colored fizzy sugar water so much? I’ve gone long stretches of time with no soda, hoping I’ll outgrow my likeness for it. But, once I give in and have one, all I can say is “Ah, I missed you.” I am getting better, but I’m not there yet. I’m still mourning the loss of my crappy food. But, I do feel so much better when I eat my veggies and drink my agua. Someday I’ll be one of these people who say they’d rather have carrot sticks than French fries. Someday.

I love naps, but I love Jesus more.

Every mother of a nap-taking child hates Sundays (Sorry Lord). The day completely messes up their schedules. Some people say you don't want to be one of "those" moms who let your life revolve around your baby's schedule. I say the heck I don't. Not because I'm worried about my child, but because it makes my life miserable. When baby is happy, mom is happy. When baby sleeps, mommy can clean the house. OK, not really...but I can watch "The Housewives of New York" on Tivo. Some of you might have babies who can sleep during anything, and let me tell you you're lucky. Remy has to have a perfect sleeping environment. He must have eaten, pooped, burped and be in his own room with no new stimuli. This last Sunday we went to the in-laws for lunch after church. I was "lucky" to wake up with a sore throat from allergies, so I kept him home from Sunday school so he at least got his morning nap. When it came time for his afternoon nap he was so enthralled with the posters and pictures on his Aunt Hannah's walls that he would not go to sleep. He just kept pointing at the picture of Marilyn Monroe on the wall and grunting. I know son, she's pretty. Cody finally got him to sleep and then he put him down in the bed. Ah, victory. Until he opened the squeaky door and Remy shot up out of the pack and play and started crying. The next trip to Grandma and Grandpa's I am taking a can of WD-40. You think I'm joking, but I'm not. Easter Sunday is even worse than a regular Sunday. It's a Holiday and a Sunday on the same day. Ugh, that's a double nap-killer. At least he was too distracted by the eggs to remember he was hungry and tired. The picture of him crying was the BEGINNING of the day, not the end. My Sunday routine after church includes changing his diaper, removing any uncomfortable clothing, rushing him to the car as people try to get him to smile and laugh, and get him in his car seat. Then, I feed him lunch in car seat (I'm not kidding). That way, if he falls asleep on the way home I can just transfer him to his bed. Ugh, I'm tired just typing this. It would be really wonderful if the church would agree to change their schedule around Remy's. Is that too much to ask?